MY MOMENT OF PLEASURE

He was furious, I was seething with anger. We were even, there was no one ready to apologize to the other so we stood side by side each other in front of the kitchen island taking deep calming breaths.

I stepped back a little so I could see his lean back. My hands ached to touch them passionately and at the same time painfully. I wanted to kiss him, and at the same time hit him. I hated the fact that he cared for her. He wasn't doing anything wrong by caring for a good friend who was going through hell, he was doing wrong by neglecting me in the process. He was giving her more than he had ever given me.

His back flexed as he moved away from the island to switch off the light leaving me in pure darkness.
I buried my head in my palms and took more steady breaths. He must have left me alone to sort my self out. Maybe he thought I was being unnecessarily jealous. I was scared I was handling it the wrong way and would chase him away but I was too tired to have rational thoughts and take mature actions.

I heard footsteps and just before I could be sure I heard them, I felt him infront of me. There was little or no space between us before he kissed me. It was rough and in that moment, I let the tears roll down.

I didn't know why I was crying, maybe because I still loved him, or because I felt hurt or because I was tired, but whatever it was couldn't stop me from wrapping my arms around his neck and combing through his hair with my fingers.

I tasted the saltiness of my own tear as it reached my lips, he must have tasted it too but I think he was too busy taking off my shirt to notice that I was crying or he was too lost in the kiss. It was either one of those and my heart constricted at the mere thought of it. He never paid enough attention to me.

I didn't know one could be hurt by somebody yet still need them. I was in that position. I wanted to tell him to stop, to tell him he didn't deserve to have me—not right now, after he had humiliated me in front of her but I just couldn't. I needed to feel him, every edge and corner of him maybe even more than he needed me so I let him carry me back to the island.
As I settled on it, I wove my legs around his waist and began to fiddle with his belt. I was never able to undo his belt but today it took me nothing more than five seconds to get it done.

He drew back for a second before the exclamation "wow", was out of his lips.
He kissed me for a little while more, this time more softly before he lowered his head to my breast. I didn't even know when he took my bra off.
I closed my eyes as his lips came in contact with my nipple. I didn't know if it was the right or the left, I just knew he was sucking and nibbling on it so good while his hands played with the other one. These days I knew nothing, I was unsure of everything around me.

When I closed my eyes, I saw him hugging her, rubbing her back and kissing her hair. I saw her rumpling his shirt as she held on to them tightly while crying. She was committing three offences at once. She was rumpling his shirt, she was getting it wet with her tears and she was also staining it with her made up face. I had never been able to do one, no matter the situation. It was either he took them off, or I wasn't going to have a shoulder to cry on. Somehow I'm supposed to understand. I opened my eyes back to the darkness, by now he had switched his attention to the other breast.

The sensation made me close my eyes again but when I envisioned them again, I struggled to keep my eyes open. I let my hands wander round his body. Soon enough he was done and he kissed me tenderly stopping at my neck. I I closed my eyes defiantly as a sigh escaped my lips. For a second I forgot it all, for a second I didn't feel hurt or sad again, only happiness and desire. Then it was back again, as quickly as it came. I needed to stop thinking even for a minute.

I bent a little to kiss him and when I was sure I had his full attention, I whispered in his ears.
"Fuck me till I can barely think. Please."

My voice was soft. I felt him twitch as my legs were in direct contact with him. He dragged me further to meet him easily. Just before we met, he kissed my forehead and said words that I doubted more each day. Just maybe if he didn't say them in the heat of the moment like he had been doing for the past months, I would have slightly believed.
He said, "I love you." I felt pain, I felt pleasure, but I felt more pain as he drove into me.

Another tear escaped my eyes, a soft unsure sound that sounded like a sob and a cry of pleasure escaped my swollen lips. I stopped thinking and I closed my eyes peacefully just for that moment. My moment of painful pleasure, my moment of pure pleasure.